Monday, January 30, 2006


1. Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
2. Practice Safe , Go Screw Yourself.
3. If You Drink Don't Park, s Cause People.
4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
5. If You Don't Believe In Oral , Keep Your Mouth Shut.
6. Please Tell Your Pants It's Not Polite To Point.
7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
9. Thank You For Pot Smoking.
10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
11. If At First You Don't Succeed...Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
14. Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.
15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.
16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.
17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home
19. I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha
20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
21. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible
23. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
24. The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
26. Illiterate? Write For Help
27. Honk If Anything Falls Off
28. Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes
29. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit
30. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.
31. You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
32. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
33. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Hand basket?
37. If Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong...
38. Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
39. If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over... [Seen Upside Down, On A Jeep]
40. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph Are Also Timed for70 mph.
41. Guys: No Shirt, No Service. Gals: No Shirt, No Charge [Reported To Be Seen On A Restaurant]
42. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
43. illia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Open A Cold One.
44. Ax Me About Ebonics
45. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
46. Boldly Going Nowhere
47. Cat: The Other White Meat
48. Caution - Driver Legally !
49. Don't Be ist - Broads That
50. Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends
51. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
52. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?
53. If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.
54. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
55. Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!
56. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.
58. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.
59. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
60. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
61. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
62. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
63. So you're a feminist...Isn't that precious.
64. I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?
65. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
66. I see Dumb People.
67. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're ok now.
68. I hear voices, and they don't like you.
69. I love cat's, they taste just like chicken.
70. At least I'm in front of you!
71. Learn from your parent's mistakes- use birth control.
72. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
73. Forget the Joneses, I keep up with the Simpsons.
74. Born free - taxed to .
75. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
76. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
77. All men are idiots and I married their King.
78. Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
79. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
80. Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
81. If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
82. Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
83. No radio - already stolen.
84. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
85. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
86. Few women admit their age. Fewer men act it.
87. I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
88. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
89. Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.
90. How can I miss you if you won't go away.
91. Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
92. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
93. Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
94. Be nice to your kids, They'll choose your nursing home.
95. Why is abbreviation such a long word?
96. Ever stop to think and forget to start again


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